Shoot

What doesn’t kill us makes us who we are

I think I’d feel better getting this all out there. Telling my story. Everyone has their opinion. Everyone will judge me. My own family is looking down on me.

But, I am old enough and smart enough to make my own choices. Many will probably argue that.

In December Kevin took me to get tattoo. The Golden Poppy, the California state flower. It was assumed that I got it to represent my home. But it was actually for a whole other reason. The poppy can sprout up anywhere. In fields, in parks, on the side of freeways. It just grows unexpected in the strangest of places. You see it on the sides of freeways this golden beautiful delicate flower in this unexpected place. That is what Kevin was to me. I didn’t want him. I blew him off quiet often for over a year. But eventually I was convinced to go on a date with him. On my birthday to be exact. And he proved all of my judgements of him wrong. He was funny, and sweet, he was curious, and very smart. He had a good work ethic and wasn’t quiet sure yet what he wanted to do with his future. He swept me off my feet. It only took 3 days before we knew we had to be in a relationship. It took three weeks for each of us to muster up the courage to say I love you. It took a month to plan our lives together. He is my soulmate. My one true love. The only person i can spend the rest of my life with. He was unexpected. The date came out of nowhere. Our love grew out of nothing. He was my golden poppy. 

We moved to California in hope of making a better life for each other. But we got some shitty luck. And a had a rougher time than expected. We were both too busy all the time. He worked 30 minutes away and had crazy shifts. I worked part time and went to school full time. we were trying so hard but things were stressful. We fought alot. Taking our anger out on each other. We hardly had any time together and when we did we both really needed to catch up on sleep. Our fights were constant and our stress was reaching its peak.

Kevin made a bad choice. A huge mistake that could ruin our relationship forever. I was ready to be done with him. I was working on staying focused on me. Cutting him out completely. He reached out. He knew he ruined his life. This whole incident reinforced the idea that I was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He didn’t give me some sob story with excuses. He fessed up. He fucked up. He knew he had to pay for it. He knew he screwed up our lives. But he was going to give me time. Let me be on my own. But he was never going to give up his fight for me. And he didn’t.

he is still proving to me everyday that our love is all he wants. He proves that he’s trustworthy. I haven’t completely forgotten or forgiven. But I’ve given him a chance. Truth is, he still is the love of my life. I want my future with him. So we are back together.

People will judge. People will say I’m stupid. But, it doesn’t matter. I’m happy. I’m in love. No one else was in this relationship but me and Kevin. no one knows us. or how much we love. No one can really tell me what to do. They can give me their cliche stories and tell me how stupid I am. But no one can really make the choice for two people in a relationship if they aren’t those two people. 

I broke down. He hurt me. I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. But it didn’t kill me. I got back up and chose to move on with my life. Start anew. This didn’t kill me. But it is shaping me to be a different person.

When my mom is cooking, i don't help her.

I need money

and fast. So I’m selling stuff. My Ipad,  an extra tv we have, clothes, shoes, betsy johnson laptop bag. All kinds of things… I’m stressing right now about money. I’m too young for this. 

(Source: fuckyeaholdnavy)

My sister has finally shared her news

So I can share my excitement. I’m going to be an auntie! And this is going to be one spoiled baby. Can’t wait to buy him/her all these cute little outfits